{musings} being nice makes all the difference

Totally random story, but I thought it worth sharing...

Back in August, I caught wind of a story about a bridal store refusing to sell a gown to a bride because she was a lesbian. The internet was (rightfully) up in arms about it, sharing the story via Twitter and Facebook. People took to leaving messages on the shop's Yelp page; many of them had messages of shame while other wrote in support of that kind of behaviour. While I of course agreed with the former, I don't believe the way to truly change someone's opinion or behaviour is to publicly admonish them, but rather to help educate them. Many of you many know I've been a gay rights activist since I knew it was even an issue, so to me, this was another opportunity to reach out to someone and try to change things for the better. I wrote the owner, Donna, the following email, taking into consideration that her side of the story could have been different from what I'd read:

Hi Donna~


I recently read about your store in an article on Philly.com. While I'm disappointed by what I read, I really believe that it's better to reach out and help someone than it is to admonish them and not offer any support (I read the Yelp reviews). While this incident it pretty bad, it looked like in the article that you were trying to make amends with Alix and her family, so I wanted to offer some help to also gain back the trust of the LGBT and LGBT-allied community.


I've attached a really great PDF that the lovely ladies at So You're EnGAYged blog have written; it covers everything from gender-neutral language on client facing materials to how to treat LGBT couples with the same respect given to heterosexual couples. I really hope you'll read through it and hopefully apply it to your business practices.


I know this is a pretty big mess, but with the right steps I'm sure you and the store will come out of it gracefully. If you have any questions or would like to talk, I would be more than happy to chat with you.


Take care,
~Emily

I'd guessed she'd received a number of emails, and I'm sure many of them had the same tone of the reviews I'd seen on Yelp, but I wanted to stand out from the crowd and try to offer help. I doubted I would ever hear from her, and I wasn't sure if my email would have been read, but this morning, out of the blue, I got a call from Donna.

She was a wonderful woman who has been taking the time to respond to those who contacted her. She told me how much she appreciated my email and the PDF that I sent with it. She told me her side of the story, which I'll boil down to a miscommunication between her and the bride in question. She said she had made a comment (not meaning to be offensive) about how the bride crossed out "groom" and wrote in "partner" on the form at the store, and the bride took offense. She said things had been worked out between the two of them, and that the PDF I sent her had been helpful to her for how she now conducts herself with other gay clients and community members.

I know I wasn't actually there for any of what went down, nor will I ever have a clear understanding of what happened, but I believe this woman when she tells me she's working to make a change for the better, and I'm so glad I sent her a helpful, friendly email rather than one that shamed her. I just wanted to encourage you all to do the same when faced with a similar situation. Come from an angle of wanting to help, and your message will be much better received.

Also, for those of you who are interested, check out So You're EnGAYged's guide to working with LGBT couples; it's fantastic and super helpful, even to non-wedding vendors!